Nathan’s Well-known Scorching Canine, the enduring American establishment behind the annual 4th of July sizzling canine consuming contest, lately made the controversial resolution to ban Joey Chestnut from this yr’s occasion resulting from a sponsorship battle. And you realize what? As a lot because it pains me to see an American icon not compete this yr, it was the appropriate name. Seize a sizzling canine (or sixty-eight) and let me clarify.
Look, don’t let my stance get issues twisted. Chestnut is the Jordan of aggressive consuming. Wait, scratch that. Jordan is the Chestnut of basketball. Joey C. has gained 16 titles. SIXTEEN! Choke on that weiner, Tom Brady. Jordan solely has a measly six. Brady has seven. However Joe Chessy? He has sufficient titles to move out as social gathering favors. So let or not it’s recognized, that whereas this take could appear piping sizzling, Joe C. continues to be insanely revered by the likes of this weblog.
However let’s reduce to the meat of the matter— Joey Chestnut’s sponsorship battle is simply that: a battle. Nathan’s Well-known has at all times been the true sizzling canine of selection. It’s not only a model. It’s the model. It’s a convention, an emblem of American summertime pleasure. It’s as American as Chevy, Miller Lite, or Luke Combs. I do know Joey is used to scarfing down canines, however you continue to must be sure to don’t chew the hand that actually feeds you. And fairly frankly, his affiliation with Unattainable Meals is a mustard stain on his pristine picture. Nevertheless, Chestnut is crying foul and alluding that the organizers of the Nathan’s contest, Main League Consuming, modified the phrases of his settlement round endorsing different merchandise.
“Every thing with Unattainable was completely nice by all my earlier agreements. They modified phrases and circumstances [around] exclusivity. And it’s not the primary time they’ve modified some issues, nevertheless it’s the primary time they’ve actually modified issues after the actual fact, and I needed to say, ’Hey, it’s too late, I’ve already began working with this model.’ This was by no means a difficulty previously. And so they tried to bop round it — they modified quite a lot of phrases, after which they escalated issues to a level they didn’t think about after they began leaking data and telling folks I used to be banned and that I turned vegan, which clearly isn’t the case.”
However look, this isn’t about Joey endorsing one other model. To me, that is concerning the model that Joey is endorsing. Unattainable Meals makes a 0%-beef sizzling canine. Name me quaint, however sizzling canines are alleged to have beef and/or different mixed thriller meats that most likely aren’t good for us. And Nathan’s is the Jordan of creating sizzling canines. Wait, scratch that. Jordan is the Nathan’s of basketball. They made the appropriate name by prioritizing their integrity over one man’s abdomen capability.
And let’s not ignore the humanitarian facet right here. Watching Joey Chestnut devour 70-plus sizzling canines in ten minutes is like watching a python swallow a goat—it’s fascinating but additionally mildly traumatizing. Possibly banning Joey till he drops ties along with his vegan-loving soy model will probably be higher for his well being than the meatless canines he’s hocking. Possibly he’ll stay a yr or two extra to the ripe previous age of 52 by sitting this yr out. Possibly the dude (and his rest room) might use a break. This will not be a populate take, however right here’s to Nathan’s Well-known Scorching Canine for this resolution. So when you’re asking me to take a facet, I’ll take a facet. Whereas Joey Chestnut is an American icon, if he’s going to start out hocking some vegan franks, I simply can’t – as a red-blooded American – get behind that. So I’m sticking with the model that not solely made Chestnut, however makes the best all-beef Franks round. Joyful 4th of July.
With all that mentioned, Joey will perpetually be a hero for this…
